Something to Offend Everyone



Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it's worth it.



Why is air a lot like sex?

Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.



What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.



What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

10 years and 45 lbs



What did the blonde say when she found out she was
pregnant?

"Are you sure it's mine?"



Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use
the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?

Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.



What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter
than the other?

A speech impediment.



What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying
at half-mast?

They're hiring.



What's the difference between a southern zoo and a
northern zoo?

A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the
front of the cage along with... "a recipe".



How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the
F word?

Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!