Lighten your day

When insults had class


There was a time when people were much less mobile and
tended to live and work in smaller communities. Even cites were smaller, and
people had to learn to live together under all circumstances. So if you were
going to insult someone, a simple "You're a jerk!" would not do. It
would linger. A proper insult had class, like these examples:


"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."

Winston Churchill


"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."

Winston Churchill


"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."

Clarence Darrow


"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."

William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)


"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emot ions come from big words?"

Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)


"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."

Moses Hadas


"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."

Abraham Lincoln


"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."

Groucho Marx


"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

Mark Twain


"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."

Oscar Wilde


"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... if you have one."

George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill, to which Churchill replied:


"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."

Winston Churchill


"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you her e."

Stephen Bishop


"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."

John Bright


"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."

Irvin S. Cobb


"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."

Samuel Johnson


"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."

Paul Keating


"He had delusions of adequacy."

Walter Kerr


"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."

Thomas Brackett Reed


"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them."

James Reston (about Richard Nixon)


"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."

Forrest Tucker


"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"

Mark Twain


"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."

Mae West


"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."

Oscar Wilde


"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."

Andrew Lang (1844-1912)