DILBERT'S Rules of Order...

1 - I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.


2 - I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.


3 - Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.


4 - Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.


5 - Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.


6 - I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.


7 - Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?


8 - My reality check bounced.


9 - On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.


10 - I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.


11 - You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.


12 - Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.


13 - Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.


14 - Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.


15 - A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.


16 - Don't be irreplaceable-if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.


17 - After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.


18 - The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.


19 - You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.


20 - Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.


21 - People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.


22 - If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.


23 - When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.


24 - Following the rules will not get the job done.


25 - When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"