Dear employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of
economy,
Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years
of
age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE
(Retire
Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for
the
SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have
been
RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme
Covering
Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and
SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for
Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel
Early
Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be
SHAFTED or
SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much [censored]
(Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always
prided
itself on the amount of [censored] it gives employees. Should you feel that
you do
not receive enough [censored], please bring to the attention of your
Supervisor.
They have been trained to give you all the [censored] you can handle.

Sincerely, Management