Incredible Dear Abby Letter, From Hyattsville, MD
Dear Abby,
I am a crack dealer in Hyattsville, MD, who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in a suburb of Washington and one of my sisters, who lives in Rockville, is married to a transvestite.
My father and mother have recently been arrested for
growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Bladensburg.
I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole
life sentence in Jessup for the murder of a teenage boy
in 1994.The other brother is currently in jail awaiting trial on charges of sexual misconduct with his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai
prostitute who lives in Alexandria and is still a part time
"working girl" in a brothel. All things considered, my main
problem is this. I love my fiancée and look forward to
bringing her into the family and I certainly want to be totally honest with her.
Should I tell her about my cousin who is a Duke fan???

Signed, "Marcus"
Worried About My Reputation